The Pretend Writer

Behold, The Rainbow of Death

Apr 28

MeaganUncategorized amp, beautiful vision, blog, chad, chitlins, craft, fingers, fridge, glimmer, ins, it's, knockout, magnets, mom, ok girls, paint brushes, paintbrushes, payback is a bitch, perfect vision, picasso, rainbow, sexting, soft voice, soothsayer, stares, water bowls, writer 4 Comments

I like to fancy meself, “Mom o’ the Year” [note: it is probably only me who thinks that] I’m always looking for things to entertain the youngest chitlins. Whether it’s a knockout craft I saw online at Family Sized Fun or something store bought, I am always on the look out for something to get their fine motor skills working… see what I mean… Mom o’ the Year. You want to nominate me, don’t you? Go ahead. I think that’s with in the rules. Thanx, you’re so sweet!

I was at Micheal’s at the check out when my eye caught a glimmer of the white pristine rainbow magnets, paints included, ready to be painted by the hands of my 3 & 4 year old Picasso’s. I thought Oh, how I will cherish these rainbow magnets forever, keep them on the fridge and tell their dates about them, sigh.  However, my beautiful vision of rainbow magnets with perfectly painted lines lasted about 30 seconds after craft set up.

It’s my fault really, I forgot to put out water bowls to wash the out paintbrushes until the first attempt to get a new color on the brush.

Me: Gasp! (stopped hand just in time) I forgot water bowls, hang on! Don’t put that brush in that paint, the colors will mix and it will ruin your paint.

Kids: Blank you’re not speaking English stares.

Me: Ok? Girls?

Kids: Nuthin.

Turn and got water, turn back around, then take a guess. Yes, apparently, at my house, don’t do something means go ahead and do it. I should know better. CONFIRMED! I’ve passed down the I don’t listen to my parents gene. Shit. My mom would be so happy, payback is a bitch and if my perfect vision of rainbow magnets is any indication of things to come, I’m totally fucked. I mean I’m not a soothsayer or anything. I’m juss sayin.

I played it so cool though. I mean cool-cool, mom-cool with my soft voice, smile, and control issues all intact.

Me: Oh girls, (smiling) remember we need to dunk your paint brushes in the water and get out all the color before putting it in a new color. (Inside I was having a melt down… the pretty lines, painted over the pretty lines. Breathe. Breathe.)

Kids: Surprisingly ignoring me, well that’s new.

There is surely not a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow

No matter how much I persisted with my teaching moment, the girls just ignored me and kept mixing colors. I reached for a Xanax and remember I don’t take them, but maybe I should. Who’s idea is that? Me not taking Xanax especially when there are difficult situations such as not painting within the lines.

My kids need more emphasis in their preschool classes on direction listening skills… I want to know…  who cut education funding? You’re on my list!