May 19
MeaganUncategorized
So I was doing my art project… for some extra pot money. I mean we are in a recession… and then… I hit a snag in the plan… my pencil just plain busted. Mother fucker. What the… I know we have to have a pencil sharpener around here some-ha-wheres. Ah, found it. As I was sticking the pencil in the nose I was thinking, I wish I woulda thought of this idea. I bet whom ever invented it has made at least $100.00…. That’s more than 1 dime bag, baby… that’s munchies too grocery money yay. Really, I can’t think of one kid that doesn’t like sticking things up a fake nose and showing people. Can anyone say FREE advertisement to the target market… no wonder they’ve done so well.
p.s. The things in the dogs mouths are a stick and a tree. And yes, they are shitting. Sweet Jeebus, doesn’t anyone know about art?
p.s.s. The marks on the table are from my daughters banging thier eating utensils on it and marking it up. Little hellians angels. Don’t have kids if you want nice things and want to go out, ever. Sigh, they grow up so fast.
May 18
MeaganUncategorized
You're not fooling anyone Kohl's
Boredom sets in, what should I do… I know shopping. I go to Kohls, since it’s the only place my credit cards aren’t maxed out I love their stuff. I was casually walking through the shoes when one pair caught my eye, but after taking a closer look I realized Kohls is not recession friendly, well, I mean, for the patrons anyway. I mean did they really think that just because I’ve been drinking before I come in that I’m not gonna see through their game? Well, Kohls let me just inform you that it makes me a better driver too… seriously it does. You can’t outsmart fucking genius me. That’s right Kohls…. point, me. Since you’re the only place my credit cards aren’t maxed out I love you I’m sure I’ll be back tomorrow.
p.s. mom I really don’t drink and drive. I smoke pot and drive, but I didn’t know how pc that would sound. That’s not a problem is it? Good cuz all I wanna talk about is where you can get me some peanut M&Ms.
May 17
MeaganUncategorized
I want to say thank-you to Part-time House Monkey who honored me with the Versatile Blogger Award! Her blog is great and I love reading it! AND she such a sweetheart too! There are some things I have to do to accept this award:
- Thank the person who gave you this award.
- Share 7 things about yourself.
- Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
- I cant tell my left from my right. I don’t know why I’ve been plagued with this idiocy, but I have. Thank you gawd, no really. When we are driving in a car I will tell you directions by saying this way and that way complimented by hand gestures. I know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me either. My mom surely does though.
- I get mistaken for my oldest child’s sibling. It’s funny when I splain that I’m the mom I get the deer in head lights look from them like they just asked someone who wasn’t pregnant when they’re due. I laugh and laugh… it’s quite enjoyable. Then when I see them again bring it up and laugh some more. I never claimed to be nice.
- I wrote my first novel at 7 or 8 years old. It was an interesting read of the adventures of Donkey Kong and Pac-man. Yeah, I don’t know either.
- I’m obsessed with pedicures. I think its because I think feet are ugly, really really ugly.
- My girlfriends and I snuck out every night when we were 11 years old and up. We went to the park. I know, call the cops. But when I was a teen I had no curfew. It was weird because my dad would put the sprinkler aimed to hit the front door to make it swell and creak when I opened it. Where is the man logic behind that one? What the…? I’ve never seen him move so fast as the first night it creaked open at 4 am. All it made me do is use the basement windows.
- I use ridiculous words because they make me giggle. My latest is the Victoria’s Secret campaign where they stress the word BOMBshell. I think its so ridiculous that it’s funny to me and probably only me. hello BOMBshell.
- I put out fresh fruit and veggies to munch on. However, I need to go to plan B because I pass them on the way to the chips. Something is just not working here.
I have so many favorite blogger’s imma update this after I let them know I’m passing the torch, which really means after work today.
Update: GR8 Bloggers!
Alone… With Cats
Are You Serious?
Bratty Thoughts
Diaper Monologues
Family Sized Fun
Housewife Bliss
In the Kitchen with Stacey
Jane, You Ignorant Slut
Little Boy Green
Mama Needs a Minute
Medicinal Marzipan
Mommy Wants Vodka
My Beautiful 604
No Points For Style
Through the Eyes of Lauren
May 01
MeaganUncategorized beginning of the end, blur, despair, earth, education class, education classes, furniture, garage sale, guilt, head shrinker, job, kids stuff, meds, participation, post test, red flag, rest of my life, risk factors, sobs, suicide, suicide risk, suicide risk assessment
It was so unexpected. It was a normal day at work with normal expectations and normal education classes. It was all normal, normal, normal. I didn’t realize my reaction would be so strong since I have pushed you out of my thoughts and out of my life to numb the pain of life without you. I made no connection. But there we were, together, at suicide risk assessment education class.
The instructors, one who happened to be on my unit, thought they were going to look to me to be a leader in participation, but as we sat listening to assessment and risk factors associated with suicide, my head started swarming with all the things I missed when you were here on this earth. I was too wrapped up in my own shit to see you falling deeper into the despair that ended your world. I will live with that for the rest of my life.
Within 5 minutes of the class I think I was silently trying to control my sobs. Thankfully, I was in the front of the class and was able to look at the sheet in front of me that had some post-test I kept scribbling on. I couldn’t follow any of it. It was all a blur. As they were talking I was reliving the last year of your life and thinking about all the things I missed that could have kept you here with us.
I think it was your job loss and that you were not able to find another that was the beginning of the end. Everything just spiraled after that. Looking back I realize you were taking the steps of getting your affairs in order. You had never had a garage sale before so when you had your first, all of your friends helped you organize, no one thought twice about you selling practically everything you owned… kids stuff, furniture… everything. It seemed normal since you needed the money. Then, you told Jaime you stopped taking your meds AND going to your head shrinker because you said were miraculously better. But… I found that out after the fact. That would have been a red flag to me because we both know you needed them. I’m sorry to say that it was a need, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less or judge you for the issues you had. I’ve known you since we were 12 years old. I would have been there through thick and thin, sweet Angela. But I missed all of your signs when they were happening and am left feeling like I failed you and more so failed you sweet children. I don’t understand why Angela… why? Why…why…why…why…why? WHY!?
You left your 4 beautiful babies to fend in life without you, and for that I was REALLY angry with you for so so long because how could you? I realize now, that you really thought in your heart that they were better off with out you. But sweet Angela, they love you and needed you. Reagan is trying to be the great strong oldest sibling and hangs on to you. Matt has totally given you a write off. He is so hurt. I want to give him a big hug and tell him it will be better. He is going to be dealing with it for so long, all of his hurt is pushed down to the bottom of his toes. He is struggling to accept it. Kyle is caught up in the mix, too young to understand. It saddens me to think that Gina will never have any memories of you, just a few pictures. She will only have stories of how sweet and giving you were. I wish you could of seen yourself through all of our eyes rather than your own. Everyone loved you so much!
I’ve been to your last post on Facebook a couple times. Everyone is still adding things to your Facebook page about how they miss you and all the memories we have together, but I can’t Angela. I’m sorry I just can’t. I don’t know why, but I just… can’t. I haven’t been there for quite awhile. I went there in January on your birthday. I didn’t know what to post, so just read everyone else’s posts for you. I lost my words when I went there. Reagan is having trouble a lot of trouble coping with your death. When I see his name on your Facebook page he says “I love you mom, I miss you” I cry. I don’t go there anymore. I can’t. They posted the note you left, but looking at it there makes me cry.
It’s coming up on a year this summer. I can’t believe I can’t just call you saying, Hey Mama, what’s the haps, or get the kids together laugh and bitch about life and drink a lil too. I hope you have found the peace you didn’t feel you had in this lifetime. I’ll always cherish the time we had.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – With Help Comes Hope
1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/7 free and confidential, nationwide network of crisis centers.
UPDATE: thanx for all the comments public and private. i’m going to keep this up til next week in case anyone might stumble upon it and it could help them.
Apr 30
MeaganUncategorized
I had no idea of the extent of her… problem.
My daughter has been ill, so I have been more lax about my kids in the bringing toys down from the upstairs area and cross-contaminating my house. I asked my mom to come over for a couple hours so I could reorganize. We agreed that she would be here at 0900, but then I got the call, I’m gonna be there at 1000. Fuck, that’s right, it’s garage sale season. She didn’t say that, but a daughter knows. I was a little relieved. These days 0900 is a little early. We all haven’t been getting much sleep and I was on twitter still doing things to get us all ready for the day.
So, as I figured she went garage sale-ing and told me of all the great bargains she passed up for me. Too bad for me. I’m trying to organize not add. We had our coffee and made our plan of action. I started organizing, my mom really likes to clean and organize, or at least boss me around doing it. She is, you could say the Monica Geller of her time. In my house growing up we had a white room. Nuff said.
So… I went on to the business of organizing toys n stuff and the house in general. I love purging, and with a gaggle of children things get cluttered fast. My mom went on to the business of asking, Oh are you getting rid of this and that. She is having a garage sale after all. Then it here it comes the whooper…
Me: Oh I gotta move that couch and…
Mom: You mean to sell it?
Me: Wha? No, to clean behind it.
Mom: I think you should sell it.
Me: Well, but people sit on it. Crazy, I know.
Mom: You should get a different couch. The kind that wraps around.
Me: You are very welcome to buy me a new couch. When should we go shopping? Im free… um, now.
Mom: I’m not buying you a new couch. But mine was only about $2000.
Me: I didn’t think so, are we supposed to sit on lawn furniture?
Mom: I just think you would like something else… more.
Me: I prefer the beach type lawn chairs.Two birds. One stone. Oh wait, I think that would clash with my colors, so when you are ready to buy me a new couch you are more than welcome to take the one I have and sell it. Until that happens please note my ass is too fancy fer lawn chairs.
Mom: Are you sure you don’t want me to take it.
At this point I can help but laugh uncontrollably.
Me: You seriously want me to sell my couch? Jeebus, how do I contact intervention.
The funny part of this is this is the woman who freaks out when I tell her how much I spend on getting my hair did. And she doesn’t bat an eye at spending at least $2000 on a couch the kids will ruin by, um, lets bet on next week.
Ahhh parents… you cant kill em, cuz you’d be passed around for cigarettes in prison, besides who would babysit for free… and you can’t put em in home cuz there goes your couch money.
Apr 29
MeaganFunny Things, Uncategorized afghanistan, amp, beyonce, chad, david hasselhoff, facebook, funny, humor, it's, lady gaga, lol, poke, rocks, rofl, sexting, sham wow, soldiers, telephone, the hoff, writer, www youtube
Soldiers in Afghanistan remake Lady Gaga’s Telephone. It’s bigger, better, badder ass (from mfrasca)
I could totally turn him.
Facebook rocks the big one!
I love me some Hasselhoff
Apr 28
MeaganUncategorized amp, beautiful vision, blog, chad, chitlins, craft, fingers, fridge, glimmer, ins, it's, knockout, magnets, mom, ok girls, paint brushes, paintbrushes, payback is a bitch, perfect vision, picasso, rainbow, sexting, soft voice, soothsayer, stares, water bowls, writer
I like to fancy meself, “Mom o’ the Year” [note: it is probably only me who thinks that] I’m always looking for things to entertain the youngest chitlins. Whether it’s a knockout craft I saw online at Family Sized Fun or something store bought, I am always on the look out for something to get their fine motor skills working… see what I mean… Mom o’ the Year. You want to nominate me, don’t you? Go ahead. I think that’s with in the rules. Thanx, you’re so sweet!
I was at Micheal’s at the check out when my eye caught a glimmer of the white pristine rainbow magnets, paints included, ready to be painted by the hands of my 3 & 4 year old Picasso’s. I thought Oh, how I will cherish these rainbow magnets forever, keep them on the fridge and tell their dates about them, sigh. However, my beautiful vision of rainbow magnets with perfectly painted lines lasted about 30 seconds after craft set up.
It’s my fault really, I forgot to put out water bowls to wash the out paintbrushes until the first attempt to get a new color on the brush.
Me: Gasp! (stopped hand just in time) I forgot water bowls, hang on! Don’t put that brush in that paint, the colors will mix and it will ruin your paint.
Kids: Blank you’re not speaking English stares.
Me: Ok? Girls?
Kids: Nuthin.
Turn and got water, turn back around, then take a guess. Yes, apparently, at my house, don’t do something means go ahead and do it. I should know better. CONFIRMED! I’ve passed down the I don’t listen to my parents gene. Shit. My mom would be so happy, payback is a bitch and if my perfect vision of rainbow magnets is any indication of things to come, I’m totally fucked. I mean I’m not a soothsayer or anything. I’m juss sayin.
I played it so cool though. I mean cool-cool, mom-cool with my soft voice, smile, and control issues all intact.
Me: Oh girls, (smiling) remember we need to dunk your paint brushes in the water and get out all the color before putting it in a new color. (Inside I was having a melt down… the pretty lines, painted over the pretty lines. Breathe. Breathe.)
Kids: Surprisingly ignoring me, well that’s new.
There is surely not a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow
No matter how much I persisted with my teaching moment, the girls just ignored me and kept mixing colors. I reached for a Xanax and remember I don’t take them, but maybe I should. Who’s idea is that? Me not taking Xanax especially when there are difficult situations such as not painting within the lines.
My kids need more emphasis in their preschool classes on direction listening skills… I want to know… who cut education funding? You’re on my list!
Apr 27
MeaganFunny Things, Uncategorized chad, comedy, crazy, crazy old guy barking, dog attack, dogs, fingers, funny, it's, laugh, lol, poor wife, rofl, sexting, writer, you tube
How long did he have to practice that? thanx c-sass for sending!
Apr 26
MeaganUncategorized bias, blogs, debacle, fingers, funny, google, hell, it's, jelly bean, lol, sexting, writer
Why? Why? Why? Are my three main keywords that Google has people finding me through are Chad, fingers, and sexting? Fingers? WTF? What the hell did I write about that had the tag fingers, ummm nothing Google. And really, I would have thought sexting would have been the number #1.
This week the main keywords are Chad, writer, and it’s. I am fine saying… I don’t get it. I would have thought “it’s” woulda been like numero uno, number one, the shit-nit n stuff.
Ive decided to add these tags and keywords to all my blogs from now on. Even though im still kinda mad about the whole jelly bean debacle, Google. Not cool Google, can you say bias?
Apr 25
MeaganUncategorized brainer, candy wrappers, chad, cuz, earth day, exciting news, fingers, ghetto, huligans, jelly bean, national jelly bean day, nazi, neato, pot smoking, prayers, rain down, school holiday, sexting, shakespeare, smoking day, spelling, teenage rebellion, water bottle
I wouldn’t say I’m too churchy er anything, ok not at all, but the last week I had to say my Dear Gawd prayers. I don’t think Gawd answered because fer one, I spelt Gawd wrong and fer two, I followed it with It’s National Pot Smoking Day!
Then, I had to play real life, not pretend, and work. But I made a ginormous mistake and dissed The One, The Only, The Ghetto-brella. THEN, when I went to back to work this weekend, it was practically torrential rain down pouring and guess what I snubbed, that’s right… the ghetto-brella. Snap. Ghetto-brella 1, Me 0.
I got so sick of all the Earth Day stuff it brought me back to teenage rebellion. I wanted to litter. I mean ka-razy ass things like leaving my water bottle at the park and throwing candy wrappers fruit peelings out of my car and worse yet, leave my electronics plugged in. Instead of admitting that in writing, cuz that would be coo-coo loco, I decided to go a different route with my celebration and let everyone know Earth Day is stealing all the thunder from the other nationally recognized holidays on the internet, so Move Over Earth Day, It’s National Jelly Bean Day!
Exciting news! I tried my hand at my first play, but was able to tie it in with something so super neato like Happy National Talk Like Shakespeare Day! I’m sure that’ll be a school holiday next year. I mean c’mom, no brainer! But then the The Things Within My Walls would come out as they only seem to when the huligans are home…. peculiar.
ps yes spelling nazi’s I know things are spelt wrong, but it makes me giggle to do it.
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So I was doing my art project… for some extra pot money. I mean we are in a recession… and then… I hit a snag in the plan… my pencil just plain busted. Mother fucker. What the… I know we have to have a pencil sharpener around here some-ha-wheres. Ah, found it. As I was sticking the pencil in the nose I was thinking, I wish I woulda thought of this idea. I bet whom ever invented it has made at least $100.00…. That’s more than 1 dime bag, baby… that’s munchies too grocery money yay. Really, I can’t think of one kid that doesn’t like sticking things up a fake nose and showing people. Can anyone say FREE advertisement to the target market… no wonder they’ve done so well.
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