Christmas Came Early This Year
Apr 08
I was walking through the store, scanning the aisles and mentally 
checking my list against the items on the shelves, and stop! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I came across this great new item, the Slipper Genie. Fuck, it’s gotta have a patent. It was the bow that caught my eye. It reminded me of childhood and my gramma’s slippers but with a GREAT 2010 twist and really great tentacles on the bottom.
I’m so excited! Now I can have the kids refill my vodka ice cream bowl when those pesky commercials are on without feeling guilty! Fuckin’ score Slipper Genie, fuckin’ score! I can totally multi-task! Shit, I think I’m gonna get all my kids some, and their friends’ a spare pair to use when they come over. But I’ll tell them it’s for their comfort, ha, they won’t even know they’re cleaning the floor. I’ll mention the tentacles on the bottom. Gawd, can anyone say mastermind? I mean I might as well take advantage, right. You’re gonna eat all my damn food you’re gonna work, off the record of course.
This is how it’s gonna go: Couch-kitchen Couch-kitchen Couch-bathroom. My house is gonna have the cleanest walking paths and area that acts as the pretend basketball court in the neighborhood! Merry fuckin Christmas to me!
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