Nuff said!

You’ve GOT to be shitting me, how did this happen? Was I drinking? Does that mean I’m old because I can’t work the computer? I do know how to turn the thing on and off, and I don’t have call anyone to get on “the internets” and then open so many windows that I get baffled that I’m actually on “the internets”.  I know that ” the facebook” and “the twitter” don’t cost money and I don’t ask “Now, what do you mean they friended you?” or “Who’s following you now? Be careful, remember, always stay in pairs.”  So… that must mean I’m ok, right?

I do not know how this happened, but I will get to the bottom of this mystery… with a lil’ help, of course.

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No tree is complete without Gene Simmons

and Gene Simmons rejoiced in his birth…………

and Gene Simmons brings his gift… of song

It’s like a Vegas show gurl

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I think the feathers are a GREAT addition. It makes it all athentic like, right? Tickley ball pubes and fashion forward at the same time... now THAT'S creativity!

Um, the dildo shoe? Who the hell thought of that… oh, a guy. I mean the dildo shoe is functional… for being a shoe/dildo combo. What could be better, really? Chips n salsa the remote and an empty house needles and the doctor’s office I mean, I can’t think of anything.

I don’t think they go with any lil black dress that I have, maybe. Ok, circle of trust – they do. I’m kinda a whoer like that. What? Don’t judge me. Honestly, I would probably always stick them in my whoha wear them. Because they’re totally cute. No other reason.

Maybe it’s me… I don’t know, the feathers seem to just class ‘em up.  Or maybe it’s the nut sack looking pom-poms on the heels, I can’t decide.  But… there is something I just can’t figure out. Does the shoe act all 007 (Bond, James Bond… shaken not stirred n shit) and the dildo, all cool like goes into the secret dildo compartment? To hide the dildo in the shoe, for balance. Heeeeellu, I’m not in Cirque de Soleil people. I fall… a lot. Not because of the drinking, well, I mean, it could be from drinking, but… look at that thang. What if you trip over the small looking massive dildo on the end or it gets caught on your chair. It looks like it can put you off balance. Then your legs go all haywire and what if the dildo shoe ends up poking someone’s vagina eye out. Then what?

Picture this! You got your sexy bitch thang goin’ on… As I see it, by day you’re all plain Jane pom-pom feather shoe hooker, and by night you’re the trashy whoer that you think no one knows you are. Win-win. But, I mean, they know you ARE wearing a dildo shoe every day. Someone is bound to notice the big spike of a penis sticking off the end of your shoe. That’s only my opinion… maybe I’m wrong and they won’t notice.

Sadly enough, for the dildo shoe, in the end, I’m pretty sure they’re just an infection waiting to happen.

Ps. You KNOW I’m gonna tag the shit outta the word dildo, right. I mean only for educational purposes and others can learn about the wondrous dildo shoe. I’m a giver like that. It’s not because it makes me giggle. That’s just plain immature.

How can you fight it, the little shits angels sneak attack you! They have the element of surprise on their side, and maybe the fifth of vodka I’m drinking. Stop judging. Time slows down and you’re moving in slow motion, but going as fast as you possibly can to lean back and get your arms up for cover, all the while screaming with a wrinkle forming face “NOOOOOOO!”  By this time, everyone involved knows it’s too late, you’re in the target range. No matter what way you turn or how you block, you’re completely and totally fucked. Welcome to my world.

After all is said and done… what do they do… it’s not apologize, it’s not help you wipe the shower of spit off your face. No, it’s more endearing than that… they laugh hysterically at you.

My theory:  I’m pretty sure they have built in sneezing radar function, no matter where you are, or no matter how you block. They know where to aim. It’s innate. Tested fact.

So there! Hypothesis… PROVEN. It’s all in the statistics. It’s science… or maybe math. I don’t know, that’s not what I went to school for.

Now where’s my vodka gimlet and man-whore personal masseuse. Let’s get down to bidness.

I made the decision today to put on my big girl panties and start “living” again.  I know my gramma and Angie woulda wanted me to do that. I don’t know why death knocks me on my ass, but it does. I guess that’s just a part of living again.

Thanx BOMBshells!

Sleep little Padawan sleep... hone your skills

Uuuumm. My Grampa has this talent, which, apparently, he has passed down the generations. I’m not exactly sure how they do it…. stomach muscles, great balance, gymnast in a past life? It’s a mystery to me. How can u be so tired you fall asleep sitting up?

I have come to the conclusion done the research am pretty sure, that I have come from a long lineage of superb and incredible Jedi Knights or maybe ninja’s, take your pick. But shit! Now that I’ve told you I hope someone doesn’t have to kill me, or you really. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! I apologize for totally fucking up our lives with this secret. My mom is right, I don’t think before I speak.

Run Wet-Wet Run! Run like you’ve never run before!

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