Dec 01
adminFunny Things, Uncategorized chad, circ de soleil, dildo, dildo lovers, dildo shoe, dildo shoe lovers, shoe lovers, vagina, whos the sexy bitch, wtf
I think the feathers are a GREAT addition. It makes it all athentic like, right? Tickley ball pubes and fashion forward at the same time... now THAT'S creativity!
Um, the dildo shoe? Who the hell thought of that… oh, a guy. I mean the dildo shoe is functional… for being a shoe/dildo combo. What could be better, really? Chips n salsa the remote and an empty house needles and the doctor’s office I mean, I can’t think of anything.
I don’t think they go with any lil black dress that I have, maybe. Ok, circle of trust – they do. I’m kinda a whoer like that. What? Don’t judge me. Honestly, I would probably always stick them in my whoha wear them. Because they’re totally cute. No other reason.
Maybe it’s me… I don’t know, the feathers seem to just class ‘em up. Or maybe it’s the nut sack looking pom-poms on the heels, I can’t decide. But… there is something I just can’t figure out. Does the shoe act all 007 (Bond, James Bond… shaken not stirred n shit) and the dildo, all cool like goes into the secret dildo compartment? To hide the dildo in the shoe, for balance. Heeeeellu, I’m not in Cirque de Soleil people. I fall… a lot. Not because of the drinking, well, I mean, it could be from drinking, but… look at that thang. What if you trip over the small looking massive dildo on the end or it gets caught on your chair. It looks like it can put you off balance. Then your legs go all haywire and what if the dildo shoe ends up poking someone’s vagina eye out. Then what?
Picture this! You got your sexy bitch thang goin’ on… As I see it, by day you’re all plain Jane pom-pom feather shoe hooker, and by night you’re the trashy whoer that you think no one knows you are. Win-win. But, I mean, they know you ARE wearing a dildo shoe every day. Someone is bound to notice the big spike of a penis sticking off the end of your shoe. That’s only my opinion… maybe I’m wrong and they won’t notice.
Sadly enough, for the dildo shoe, in the end, I’m pretty sure they’re just an infection waiting to happen.
Ps. You KNOW I’m gonna tag the shit outta the word dildo, right. I mean only for educational purposes and others can learn about the wondrous dildo shoe. I’m a giver like that. It’s not because it makes me giggle. That’s just plain immature.
Apr 29
MeaganFunny Things, Uncategorized afghanistan, amp, beyonce, chad, david hasselhoff, facebook, funny, humor, it's, lady gaga, lol, poke, rocks, rofl, sexting, sham wow, soldiers, telephone, the hoff, writer, www youtube
Soldiers in Afghanistan remake Lady Gaga’s Telephone. It’s bigger, better, badder ass (from mfrasca)
I could totally turn him.
Facebook rocks the big one!
I love me some Hasselhoff
Apr 28
MeaganUncategorized amp, beautiful vision, blog, chad, chitlins, craft, fingers, fridge, glimmer, ins, it's, knockout, magnets, mom, ok girls, paint brushes, paintbrushes, payback is a bitch, perfect vision, picasso, rainbow, sexting, soft voice, soothsayer, stares, water bowls, writer
I like to fancy meself, “Mom o’ the Year” [note: it is probably only me who thinks that] I’m always looking for things to entertain the youngest chitlins. Whether it’s a knockout craft I saw online at Family Sized Fun or something store bought, I am always on the look out for something to get their fine motor skills working… see what I mean… Mom o’ the Year. You want to nominate me, don’t you? Go ahead. I think that’s with in the rules. Thanx, you’re so sweet!
I was at Micheal’s at the check out when my eye caught a glimmer of the white pristine rainbow magnets, paints included, ready to be painted by the hands of my 3 & 4 year old Picasso’s. I thought Oh, how I will cherish these rainbow magnets forever, keep them on the fridge and tell their dates about them, sigh. However, my beautiful vision of rainbow magnets with perfectly painted lines lasted about 30 seconds after craft set up.
It’s my fault really, I forgot to put out water bowls to wash the out paintbrushes until the first attempt to get a new color on the brush.
Me: Gasp! (stopped hand just in time) I forgot water bowls, hang on! Don’t put that brush in that paint, the colors will mix and it will ruin your paint.
Kids: Blank you’re not speaking English stares.
Me: Ok? Girls?
Kids: Nuthin.
Turn and got water, turn back around, then take a guess. Yes, apparently, at my house, don’t do something means go ahead and do it. I should know better. CONFIRMED! I’ve passed down the I don’t listen to my parents gene. Shit. My mom would be so happy, payback is a bitch and if my perfect vision of rainbow magnets is any indication of things to come, I’m totally fucked. I mean I’m not a soothsayer or anything. I’m juss sayin.
I played it so cool though. I mean cool-cool, mom-cool with my soft voice, smile, and control issues all intact.
Me: Oh girls, (smiling) remember we need to dunk your paint brushes in the water and get out all the color before putting it in a new color. (Inside I was having a melt down… the pretty lines, painted over the pretty lines. Breathe. Breathe.)
Kids: Surprisingly ignoring me, well that’s new.
There is surely not a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow
No matter how much I persisted with my teaching moment, the girls just ignored me and kept mixing colors. I reached for a Xanax and remember I don’t take them, but maybe I should. Who’s idea is that? Me not taking Xanax especially when there are difficult situations such as not painting within the lines.
My kids need more emphasis in their preschool classes on direction listening skills… I want to know… who cut education funding? You’re on my list!
Apr 27
MeaganFunny Things, Uncategorized chad, comedy, crazy, crazy old guy barking, dog attack, dogs, fingers, funny, it's, laugh, lol, poor wife, rofl, sexting, writer, you tube
How long did he have to practice that? thanx c-sass for sending!
Apr 25
MeaganUncategorized brainer, candy wrappers, chad, cuz, earth day, exciting news, fingers, ghetto, huligans, jelly bean, national jelly bean day, nazi, neato, pot smoking, prayers, rain down, school holiday, sexting, shakespeare, smoking day, spelling, teenage rebellion, water bottle
I wouldn’t say I’m too churchy er anything, ok not at all, but the last week I had to say my Dear Gawd prayers. I don’t think Gawd answered because fer one, I spelt Gawd wrong and fer two, I followed it with It’s National Pot Smoking Day!
Then, I had to play real life, not pretend, and work. But I made a ginormous mistake and dissed The One, The Only, The Ghetto-brella. THEN, when I went to back to work this weekend, it was practically torrential rain down pouring and guess what I snubbed, that’s right… the ghetto-brella. Snap. Ghetto-brella 1, Me 0.
I got so sick of all the Earth Day stuff it brought me back to teenage rebellion. I wanted to litter. I mean ka-razy ass things like leaving my water bottle at the park and throwing candy wrappers fruit peelings out of my car and worse yet, leave my electronics plugged in. Instead of admitting that in writing, cuz that would be coo-coo loco, I decided to go a different route with my celebration and let everyone know Earth Day is stealing all the thunder from the other nationally recognized holidays on the internet, so Move Over Earth Day, It’s National Jelly Bean Day!
Exciting news! I tried my hand at my first play, but was able to tie it in with something so super neato like Happy National Talk Like Shakespeare Day! I’m sure that’ll be a school holiday next year. I mean c’mom, no brainer! But then the The Things Within My Walls would come out as they only seem to when the huligans are home…. peculiar.
ps yes spelling nazi’s I know things are spelt wrong, but it makes me giggle to do it.
Apr 11
MeaganUncategorized apologies, boad, chad, courtesy call, hell, high maintenance, holy bat, horse to water, kris, lingo, maintenance issues, patience, shoulder shrug, sleep, squirrels, starbucks, stephen colbert, top of the world, unexpected gift, world christmas
Oh gawd, shwew, what a week… quite an adventure. No one’s been arrested, so I call that a great week! I need a day to sleep in and watch movies all day ah… Sunday Funday. Perfect. If you didn’t join me on my adventure here’s what you missed…
The week couldn’t have started out better with Mimosa’s at 11, but I’m pretty sure Starbucks has it out for me. Really WTF Starbucks Guy! Are You Tryin-a Kill Me? I definitely wasn’t fooling anyone, except myself, with my high maintenance issues, or lack thereof … your choice really. Never Test My Patience Sweetie, I’m High Maintenance
I found these squirrels. Where the hell did those squirrels come from anyways? I’ve Never Been as Fond of Squirrels as I am Now. Kind of an unexpected gift, I think. However, if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have new lingo. Now we just go around saying for the love of squirrels (via Kris at Pretty All True) and holy bat squirrels!! Apparently though, they upset Stephen Colbert according to one of my readers… well, at least I’m pretty sure that’s what her DM meant. So I had to suck it up and say … My Sincerest Apologies to You, Stephen Colbert
I did find the buy of the century, it was grand. I was on top of the world! Christmas Came Early This Year. And I got my first “courtesy call” of the season, Well… Lucky Fuckin’ Me.
I tried to tell Chad with his Accidental Sexting – Noooooooo! he could’ve got a dinner out of it if he’d played his cards right! But shoulder shrug whadaya do? You can bring a horse to water … Something about that statement doesn’t boad well with me… I know he could’ve got a movie out of it too.
I hope you had as GREAT of a week. Schpanx for reading!
Apr 10
MeaganUncategorized agape, chad, cock, fingers, heat of the moment, lol, meeting time, random number, sexting, slap in the face, wrong number
Everyone has done it. Those damn text where we say whatever in the heat of the moment in our text, but really have no intentions of actually sending it. Then, in your moment of panic, loss of breathe and all, in the moment where all you can muster is: Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd! No. No. Noooo! “message sent” comes nonchalantly across your screen taunting you, but all you can do is look back at the phone, mouth agape with blank thoughts, realizing that this one text has just changed your world like a slap in the face. Well this story is kind of like that… but its not.
So, I got a funny text from my friend, lets call him Chad, oh before we go any further, I should tell you Chad strictly likes the lady-folk.
From Chad…
Dude! Check this. From a random number to me. I’m so flattered!!! Lol. >> My cock is just throbbing for you. So hard you have no idea.
I replied to Chad…
Sounds intriguing. Are you setting up a meeting time?
From Chad…
Lol. I just sent back “thanks brah, but you got the wrong number…stay solid!”
And the moral of this story is… men do continue buying phones in which your fingers are too big for the keys, it makes for a really good chuckle… I’m laughing with you… jesus, so sensitive.
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