I Found the PERFECT Dildo

Dec 01

adminFunny Things, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , No Comments

I think the feathers are a GREAT addition. It makes it all athentic like, right? Tickley ball pubes and fashion forward at the same time... now THAT'S creativity!

Um, the dildo shoe? Who the hell thought of that… oh, a guy. I mean the dildo shoe is functional… for being a shoe/dildo combo. What could be better, really? Chips n salsa the remote and an empty house needles and the doctor’s office I mean, I can’t think of anything.

I don’t think they go with any lil black dress that I have, maybe. Ok, circle of trust – they do. I’m kinda a whoer like that. What? Don’t judge me. Honestly, I would probably always stick them in my whoha wear them. Because they’re totally cute. No other reason.

Maybe it’s me… I don’t know, the feathers seem to just class ‘em up.  Or maybe it’s the nut sack looking pom-poms on the heels, I can’t decide.  But… there is something I just can’t figure out. Does the shoe act all 007 (Bond, James Bond… shaken not stirred n shit) and the dildo, all cool like goes into the secret dildo compartment? To hide the dildo in the shoe, for balance. Heeeeellu, I’m not in Cirque de Soleil people. I fall… a lot. Not because of the drinking, well, I mean, it could be from drinking, but… look at that thang. What if you trip over the small looking massive dildo on the end or it gets caught on your chair. It looks like it can put you off balance. Then your legs go all haywire and what if the dildo shoe ends up poking someone’s vagina eye out. Then what?

Picture this! You got your sexy bitch thang goin’ on… As I see it, by day you’re all plain Jane pom-pom feather shoe hooker, and by night you’re the trashy whoer that you think no one knows you are. Win-win. But, I mean, they know you ARE wearing a dildo shoe every day. Someone is bound to notice the big spike of a penis sticking off the end of your shoe. That’s only my opinion… maybe I’m wrong and they won’t notice.

Sadly enough, for the dildo shoe, in the end, I’m pretty sure they’re just an infection waiting to happen.

Ps. You KNOW I’m gonna tag the shit outta the word dildo, right. I mean only for educational purposes and others can learn about the wondrous dildo shoe. I’m a giver like that. It’s not because it makes me giggle. That’s just plain immature.

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Thanx, I Know I Won’t be Judged

Apr 15

MeaganUncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

So yesterday I hadda go to court. The regular run of the mill trumped up prostitution charge. Naw, I wouldn’t do that, not enough money in it to be worth my while it’s morally wrong. And becoming a short term vagina-terian isn’t really that appealing to me.  But I did wear my hooker hoops (earrings) so it’s kinda the same, right?  Actually, it was for being such a bad ass. That’s right, 5′2” 115 105 lbs of pure bad ass.  No really, you’d be a-scared.

Oh, ok, I’m not a good liar, just ask Dan (at Jane, You Ignorant Slut). That was just more interesting than writing about what actually happened. No big deal. The basement flooded and needed repair, but was over charged $1,000 for services, blah blah blah. So, now, you know real life… kinda boring.

But… when I was at court, OMG, I got to hear other people’s dirty laundry and I am a LOVER of reality TV, yes lover. And, this, was nearly as good.

It was a room filled with various walks of life slouched in their seats, bored. Mundane case after mundane case, waiting out a long morning irritated that they aren’t next.  We were all listening with half attention… at first.  As the next case played out everyone started sitting up straight, listening intently, and looking around at each other with uncomfortable snickers in disbelief. This was it.

This was the holy shit, is this really happening in front of me case. The 20ish year old kid was suing the police department to get his drug money, I mean his girlfriend’s tax return (which is totally believable), back that he happened to have on him along with the 6 grams of mary jane. I live for this shit people. I just want to say thank-you because anything I was there for meh, no one’s gonna judge it now or even remember it.

And… the moral of this story keep your drug money in a balloon and swallow when needed.

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