Uhmmmm. What. The Fuck. Is That?
May 20
There is no *guarantee* the Chum Buddy will scar your child for life. Settle down
LAND SHARK!
Fun and friendly until it eats you. I know what I’m getting my kids for Christmas… yes, emotional scars the Chum Buddy.
All in all it’s a really great idea minus only keeping the bottom half warm as the shark digests you… Hello! There are blankets at Target! And well, I guess there is the shark attack nightmares, but they can’t be linked. Really though, I mean, you only have to deal with their nigthmares until they’re 18 then you can get a great graduation present of… get the fuck out. The upside is that they’ll probably hate you so it might not even be that long… so win-win. What? Don’t judge, it’s the alcohol talking.
I can’t tell with the hockey tape over the eyes… is this child model alive or are they advertising shark eating? Does she have eyes? Is that why they’re crossed out? Are they haphazardly made eyes? Like in shooting the ad, the shark popped her eyes out, and the Director was all like Shit! We need to hide this from her parents before I get sued…. what can we use to make new eyes… I know, electrical tape!
Oh wait! Is she another victim of Coraline’s Other Mother? Are her eyes rolled back in her head? Gah! It’s just like when junk is blocked out on the TV with the black line or blurred out – it just makes me wanna see what’s going on even more.
All these questions are gonna drive me to drink more… it’s not my fault that I’m drinking a strawberry margarita and loving it before nooner, mom.
Wait is this from Scientology? Where’s Tom Cruise when you need to ask the important questions in life?
May 20, 2010 @ 12:06:25
*channeling my inner tom cruise*
Don’t be so glib !!!!! *winks and giggles*
I sometimes wonder who comes up with this stuff.
May 20, 2010 @ 12:13:39
OMG this is effing hysterical. For numerous reasons.
Mainly? A few weeks ago my new intern started. My beautiful, former Hollister model intern – all tan, blue-eyed and blonde-haired. I came in the other morning to find 3 guys not-so-nonchalantly “hanging out” in my aisle. I commented that they were like sharks circling bait.
My friend Todd (who I just forwarded your blog to) sent this to me and promptly came over doing the Jaws “dun dun, dun dun” music.
So seeing this on your blog today has me in a fit of giggles. Thanks darling.
May 20, 2010 @ 17:14:21
Sometimes even things you don’t mean to be traumatizing can scar a child. I remember giving a much younger sister a pair of slippers shaped like bears’ faces. Harmless, right? And so cute!
But she thought the bear slippers were going to gnaw her feet off of her legs!
She was terrified to put them on.
She still tells that story. Like I meant to ruin her 4th birthday.
May 21, 2010 @ 13:39:25
Do they make them in adult size? My ex-wife has a birthday coming up.
May 31, 2010 @ 15:15:47
No – seriously, if they make them in adult size, I’m definitely getting one. Every morning wake up and in the sleep-ridden haze of semi-consciousness you’ll be all “SHIT! I’m being eaten by a SHARK” and then you realise it’s totally not a shark, merely the world’s freakiest sleeping bag and your day can *only* get better from there.
Jun 06, 2010 @ 18:57:05
Maybe the awesomest child-warming device I have ever seen. Santa should put that into the stockings of bad children instead of coal. My kids are little, I could probably stuff two in there.
Jun 07, 2010 @ 16:52:39
Oh, I love it here, but how do I follow or subscribe? I’m blind like that…